Whod you bang
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
