Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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