he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
