3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
