You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
