I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
