So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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