could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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