he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
