quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
