when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize