I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
