it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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