Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize