My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
