Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
