You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He better not be in your backpack
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
