I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
