do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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