it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
