why didn't you poke me back
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
