Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
