I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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