On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize