Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
