I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
