No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
