people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
