So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
