is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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