there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
