Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
