Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
