I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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