She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize