just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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