Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
