Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
