wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
