listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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