I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
