i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
