You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
