I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
