I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize