:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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