i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize