What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
