We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
