She said her name was "party"
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
