This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
