Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
