I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
