i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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