Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
