Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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