I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
