Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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