The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize