I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
