I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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