Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
