I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
