well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
