She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
