I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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