$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
