the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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