She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
a search helicopter?!
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
