the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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