We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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