i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I think i got beer on your cat.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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