making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize