More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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