My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
