Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
